The Life Of Laura Lee Gross(Rollins)
I was born July 22nd 1968 To my parents,who split up and divorced when i was almost 2 years old.My Mom re-married my Step Dad,And My Dad went on with his life and remarried several times.He has been with his last wife for 25+ yrs.(my step mother)My Real Mother and Step Dad Divorced a few years back, but still live together.My Mom had 3 more kids after me with my Step Dad(my siblings)My Real Dad had 2 with my step mother.My Dad had another son besides me when he got with my step mother,and my step mother also had a son from a previous relationship.
I grew up with my mom and step dad and my brothers and sister that they had together.I was the oldest so i had all the responsabilities and chores,we had a down sindrome aunt who lived with us who i also took care of most of the time.My step dad was an alcoholic,and my mom became one for a short time.They faught all the time and it was not always just screaming it got phisical at times.Being the oldest i always had to protect the younger ones.I did not have much of a childhood,i spent most of my time by myself when i was not doing chores,taking care of my siblings,or my down sindrome aunt.So basically no childhood and basically no life i had to grow up fast.I Was Mentally phisacally,and verbally abused,over and over again.When i turned 18 i could not take anymore and left home,i felt very guilty when i did because i was not there to protect my siblings when my mom and step dad would fight.I then told myself you did all you could do,its now time to take care of yourself.
In 1987 i moved in with friends of my moms,I lived there for a few months and decided i wanted to get in contact with my real dad,which i had only seen maybe 4-5 times before that.He and my step mother came to Newhampshire to get me so i could spend my dads birthday with him.While i was up here in Maine i decided i liked it up here and moved up here and lived with my dad,step mother,and other siblings.
In June Of 1987 i met a guy named John(my now deceased exhusband)We moved to New Hampshire,I got Pregnant with my 1st Daughter Natasha,and when i was 5 months pregnant we got married (Feb 14th 1988)The 1st 1 1/2 yrs were ok,had there ups and downs.
In Nov 1991 we had our second daughter Kaela.Things were kind of iffy still.In Dec 1995 we had our 3rd child Whitney and things began to get worse.In Dec of 2002 i lost our 4th child when i was 5 months along.In June Of 2003 we decided to move back to Maine.Our relationship seemed to be getting worse,but we still had our 5th child Claireice In March Of 2004.We Moved around several times.Things Started getting extremely bad.The abuse i sufferd went from verbally,and mentally to Phisical.I always told myself i would rather be hit over and over again,because i could heal from a black eye or a broken bone alot easier than i could heal from a wounded heart and mind.The abuse was'nt only on me it was on also my children.I finally had enough and feb 2006 i took my girls and left.As i said earlier my ex husband is now deceased and he died a horrible death,but i wont go into details about that.He died June of 2006.
The Girls and I moved around quite a bit,my oldest daughter moved in with her boyfriend for a short time,and than we all moved back in with each other.I began to drink quite heavily,at the time it seemed like the only thing that would cut the pain and the haunting memories that me and my children had to go through.My oldest daughter got married to her boyfriend.shortly after that i moved me and the 3 younger ones moved to another town.I still was drinking alot and i would go out a few times a week and leave the 2 youngest ones with my daughter who was 17 at the time,but before i would leave i would always make sure they had what they needed and i would call them several times when i was out.Well to make a long story short the state got called on me and my girls were snatched from me and put with my Dad and Step Mother.The state told me if i could get my life back together and do everything i was asked to do i could possibly get my girls back.I worked my butt off and i tried so hard to do as i was asked,it got to the point that n o matter what i did,it was not enough.My plate was full and could not handle anymore on it.I went back to court and my Dad and Step Mother got full custody of them and has since adopted them.I Have not seen my girls in almost 3 years.My Heart aches for them every day.There is not a day that i do not think of them .I Miss them so much,many nights i have cried myself to sleep.After all this happened i began to drink again.Moved in with my oldest and her husband lived with them for a few months,and than could not handle being so far from everything so i moved to another town with my step daughter and her husband,what a nightmare that was,but i will not get into detail with that either..
On July 7th 2008 i met a wonderful man named Randy.He is sooooo good to me,Loves me unconditionally.We are sooooo happy and very much in Love.We got Engaged on Dec 21st 2008,and have since set a date to get married.We get along sooo good,we love being around each other.We have alot in common,and since i have been with him i have totally changed my life around.I have quit smoking and drinking,I have also lost over 100 lbs,had my teeth fixed,got glasses to help me see,and the newest thing is i finally at 41 got my drivers license for the 1st time.My fiance Randy had not such a good life either,and can relate on alot of the things i have been thru.We both have been sober for 18 months,We have been together almost 20 months.I am finally Happy with the man of my dreams,he gives me the strength to wake up every day and face the day.Keeps me smiling,and always makes me laugh.We are inseperable..We Have the cutest kitty named Angel,she thinks she rules the house,well i guess u can say she does lol..
So as you can see i fell into some of the same patterns in my life.I was abused as a child,and than married a man who not only abused me he abused my kids.we than have i grew up with Alcoholics all around me and than i became one.But you know the thing that is not fair with that.I was around it all the time(drinking)But when i did it i was badly punished for it,in more ways than any one person deserves.Yes i made my bed and a layed in it for a long time.I have paid over and over again for what i have done.I am not proud of who i became and what kind of life i was living.But if u look back at my life,where did i learn it???They say when u grow up with alcoholics u become one.When u have been around abuse you get with someone who is one.I forgot to mention 2 of the people that were a big part of my life at one time,my bestest friends in the whole wide world.MY NANA AND GRANDADDY. you both are greatly missed by me.Wish u both were still here,but your not you are with God now.I know u look down on me once in awhile.I Love U both..
I have a beautiful Grandaughter Named Gracelyn Elizabeth,she is such an Angel.Nana loves her very much :).I will have a Grandson beginning of March.Both of them are from My oldest Daughter..I am proud to be a Nana..
I have 2 final things to say.
#1 my girls may not be with me,but they are in my heart.And no paper or nobody can take away the fact that i am their mother.I carried each and everyone of them in my tummy for 9 months,and thats one thing nobody can ever take away from me,I AM THEIR MOTHER!!!!!Some day before they get to old i am allowed the chance to see them again,before they forget who i am.That is my prayers,dreams,and wishes..
Well i will end here,and i will say if you wanna Judge me,thats your own choice,but i will tell you there is only one person who really has the right to JUDGE ME,and thats GOD himself.So if you are a Judger,continue on because i dont want to hear what u have to say.I have heard and been thru enough in my life.To those who understand thanks for reading the story of my life..
Here is a song that i like that kind of reminds me of my life
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